3rd post of the night .

so, i have no idea why but im blogging, and this is the third post, i cant sleep right now . i havent been sleeping how ive usually been sleeping, it seems my nights are bleek and even sleeping has become a job . im really nervous this year theres a lot at stake, and the fact that all i can dream about is music and writing and in class can't even focus sometimes because im writing lyrics is kinda scarying me . i have to go to college no if ands or buts, but what do i do ? how do you know, i love music and i love writing & dont get me wrong i want to live well and make money but its not the number one thing on my mind . its like late-night talk right now bloggers, and this conversation is between you and me . i orginally stayed up to fix the blog up and look at some kid cudi ish but i dont know what happen . to be honest i think i could go so far but i wont be able to go anywhere . i feel so trapped and uneasy all the time, im so quiet and shy, its nothing close to what people are used to when they see me, but all i can do is express that through words, through here . i need to find a way to live it or do it as my friend says, but can doing nothing count ? it sucks cause you know your an independent creature but you form dependent bonds with people or things thinking it will always workout, and i feel i dont know what i want to do, i depend my happiness on uncrucial important things which fuck with my sense of doing the important things that put me in a trap in this vicious circle . what i find funny is the things that bother me most are the things i hardly talk about sometimes, and half the time i get so deep and into thought that i dont even think anymore i've created an empty black space of nothing into an empty space of concetrated depression . my mind is on a tredmill but i can't stop it or rewind it & i could go on for hours but im going to try to sleep tonight . im going to try .

I COME IN PEACE .

HAAAAAA . just thought i shared it with you . & i also thought we have a little celebration on the new blogs layout ! whooooooooop whooooooop . as you can see we still have the good ol' scott mescudi on top of the site as our logo & guardian protector . after reading back on a few of the post i've realized the blog has been a bit depressing and i truly apologize on that . so this post i've decided will be a list of things that make me happy, possibly even you as well, along with some great music . im excited about this postttt .



THE LIST
- unicorns
- public speaking
- sunday mornings
- kneeing a baby in the face and possibly in the back
- getting a math problem
- recieving a 97 on a midterm ;)
- winning the presidence at mchs (future happiness)
- booty tag
- yo momma
- drinking some green iced tea
- salami swiss cheese mayo lettuce tomatos vingear sandwich
- sunsets
- sunrise
- rain
- board games
- yo momma again
- hanging w the homies
- doing gang signs and gang dances though we could die
- having the perfect random playlist
- dancing in the mirror
- maryjane
- aerobics
- reading a good old mind teaser
- walking through east village
- watching goodtimes
- fist pumping
- watching the hangover
- going to ihop
- not having to see people with spit bubbles on the side of their lips
- partying it up at the right place at the right time with the right people
- being alone in the house
- deep breathing
- taking yo momma for a joy ride ;)
- & realizing that life is what you make it



& now for the music

CUDDERISBACK - KID CUDI


(OLD)COME WINTER - DRAKE


BANQUET - BLOC PARTY


OUR SWORDS - BAND OF HORSES


ABOUT A GIRL - THE ACADEMY IS


SLEEPYHEAD - PASSION PIT


and with that said, i say, goodnight .

sometimes i look at her and i think ..

sometimes i look at her and i think .
what is she thinking about .
does she think about me .
about how she looked before bangs .
how'd she look without them .
that day we made love .
how about the day we hugged, and say goodbye was playing .
did she know it was always ment to be over .
all the times i knew her better than what she thought .
how about the time she said i love you without covering up .
or maybe shes thinking about chocolate & chicken nuggets .
after all she did eat them before 9 am.
or maybe she was thinking about him, her new love .
maybe she was thinking about smoking afterschool .
or maybe shes daydreaming .
hey, is she looking at me ? shit .
maybe she hates me .
does she even remember being on the floor ?
ha, what about that time she sang frankie valli and the four seasons with me .
think she remembers that ?
what if she all of sudden just kissed me ?
ha, if we get married that'd be great .
wait, fuck what number are we on ?
ah man 10 minutes till class is done .
maybe she doesn't even remember me .
she hates me .
mhm, shes sleeping .
i wonder what shes dreaming of ?
she doesn't even care we finished this work .
yeah right she does, its all an act .
so does she care about me ?
ugh, stop . stop stop . stop .
oh yes, class is done .
running, racing, make it out the door .
shes gone .


who am i kidding, she wasnt think about me at all .

Glad To Be Ugly .

i'm kinda happy about it. like cause when your pretty sure you last, but your forgotten and fit into the "perfect" catalog, to never be remembered again . i'm pimpled filled, curly fucked up hair, left-lipped pierced, 5'2 three quarters, 7cm tongue long, ugly ass muthafucka, but thats how i attract people to me. my ugly charm is what draws the people in, cause its interesting and different . now dont take this as in me insecure i write this out of joy, im proud of the way i look, even though theres days where i feel and say i look like shit but im proud of it . being ugly is something to cherish readers, so embrace it. embrace the ugly (:



It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

-Billy Collins