so this video is dope, along with the song . and yes i know it has the same drum situation as umbrella but ... ITS DOPE . you can't deny it . cudder does his thing, and dan black got his voice in sync with the "symphonies." love this video .
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes Started making his way past 2 in the morning He hasn't been sober for days
Leaning now into the breeze Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees They had breakfast together But two eggs don't last Like the feeling of what he needs
Now this place seems familiar to him She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs Left him dying to get in
Forgive me, I'm trying to find My calling, I'm calling at night I don't mean to be a bother, But have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams And it's driving me crazy, it seems I'm going to ask her to marry me
Even though she doesn't believe in love, He's determined to call her bluff Who could deny these butterflies? They're filling his gut
Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces He pleads though he tries But he's only denied Now he's dying to get inside
Forgive me, I'm trying to find My calling, I'm calling at night I don't mean to be a bother, But have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams And it's driving me crazy, it seems I'm going to ask her to marry me
The neighbors said she moved away Funny how it rained all day I didn't think much of it then But it's starting to all make sense Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds Are following me in my desperate endeavor To find my whoever, wherever she may be
[Juliet Simms:] I'm not coming back (forgive me) I've done something so terrible I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling) But you'd expect that from me I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm) Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind Keeping an eye on the world, From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head
[Alex Gaskarth:] Well I guess I'll go home now... I guess I'll go home now... I guess I'll go home now... I guess I'll go home
one of the best story songs i've ever heard . period .
so, i have no idea why but im blogging, and this is the third post, i cant sleep right now . i havent been sleeping how ive usually been sleeping, it seems my nights are bleek and even sleeping has become a job . im really nervous this year theres a lot at stake, and the fact that all i can dream about is music and writing and in class can't even focus sometimes because im writing lyrics is kinda scarying me . i have to go to college no if ands or buts, but what do i do ? how do you know, i love music and i love writing & dont get me wrong i want to live well and make money but its not the number one thing on my mind . its like late-night talk right now bloggers, and this conversation is between you and me . i orginally stayed up to fix the blog up and look at some kid cudi ish but i dont know what happen . to be honest i think i could go so far but i wont be able to go anywhere . i feel so trapped and uneasy all the time, im so quiet and shy, its nothing close to what people are used to when they see me, but all i can do is express that through words, through here . i need to find a way to live it or do it as my friend says, but can doing nothing count ? it sucks cause you know your an independent creature but you form dependent bonds with people or things thinking it will always workout, and i feel i dont know what i want to do, i depend my happiness on uncrucial important things which fuck with my sense of doing the important things that put me in a trap in this vicious circle . what i find funny is the things that bother me most are the things i hardly talk about sometimes, and half the time i get so deep and into thought that i dont even think anymore i've created an empty black space of nothing into an empty space of concetrated depression . my mind is on a tredmill but i can't stop it or rewind it & i could go on for hours but im going to try to sleep tonight . im going to try .
HAAAAAA . just thought i shared it with you . & i also thought we have a little celebration on the new blogs layout ! whooooooooop whooooooop . as you can see we still have the good ol' scott mescudi on top of the site as our logo & guardian protector . after reading back on a few of the post i've realized the blog has been a bit depressing and i truly apologize on that . so this post i've decided will be a list of things that make me happy, possibly even you as well, along with some great music . im excited about this postttt .
THE LIST - unicorns - public speaking - sunday mornings - kneeing a baby in the face and possibly in the back - getting a math problem - recieving a 97 on a midterm ;) - winning the presidence at mchs (future happiness) - booty tag - yo momma - drinking some green iced tea - salami swiss cheese mayo lettuce tomatos vingear sandwich - sunsets - sunrise - rain - board games - yo momma again - hanging w the homies - doing gang signs and gang dances though we could die - having the perfect random playlist - dancing in the mirror - maryjane - aerobics - reading a good old mind teaser - walking through east village - watching goodtimes - fist pumping - watching the hangover - going to ihop - not having to see people with spit bubbles on the side of their lips - partying it up at the right place at the right time with the right people - being alone in the house - deep breathing - taking yo momma for a joy ride ;) - & realizing that life is what you make it
sometimes i look at her and i think . what is she thinking about . does she think about me . about how she looked before bangs . how'd she look without them . that day we made love . how about the day we hugged, and say goodbye was playing . did she know it was always ment to be over . all the times i knew her better than what she thought . how about the time she said i love you without covering up . or maybe shes thinking about chocolate & chicken nuggets . after all she did eat them before 9 am. or maybe she was thinking about him, her new love . maybe she was thinking about smoking afterschool . or maybe shes daydreaming . hey, is she looking at me ? shit . maybe she hates me . does she even remember being on the floor ? ha, what about that time she sang frankie valli and the four seasons with me . think she remembers that ? what if she all of sudden just kissed me ? ha, if we get married that'd be great . wait, fuck what number are we on ? ah man 10 minutes till class is done . maybe she doesn't even remember me . she hates me . mhm, shes sleeping . i wonder what shes dreaming of ? she doesn't even care we finished this work . yeah right she does, its all an act . so does she care about me ? ugh, stop . stop stop . stop . oh yes, class is done . running, racing, make it out the door . shes gone .
who am i kidding, she wasnt think about me at all .
i'm kinda happy about it. like cause when your pretty sure you last, but your forgotten and fit into the "perfect" catalog, to never be remembered again . i'm pimpled filled, curly fucked up hair, left-lipped pierced, 5'2 three quarters, 7cm tongue long, ugly ass muthafucka, but thats how i attract people to me. my ugly charm is what draws the people in, cause its interesting and different . now dont take this as in me insecure i write this out of joy, im proud of the way i look, even though theres days where i feel and say i look like shit but im proud of it . being ugly is something to cherish readers, so embrace it. embrace the ugly (:
It seems only yesterday I used to believe there was nothing under my skin but light. If you cut me I could shine. But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life, I skin my knees. I bleed.
hello, today i am in a different mood then the usual blog entries i have. im angered, in a minor but long term way. what do you do when your anti-social, and then realize its just the people your around are actually whats making you anti-social. and another thing, since when did being the 8th grade mean having several piercings, send naked pictures, having sex, and knowing every sexual position possible ? and another thing since when did telling someone the name of a song turn in everyone knowing your one true prize posession of music ? huh ? sure im ranting but at the same time whoever is reading this can agree, all this seems like something to blame technology on but honestly whats going on, not just with me but the atmosphere on this society we call earth. i write these blog entries i dont know if someone reads them or not i could just be writing for no reason, or for the reason of hoping theres people reading this but im angry. since when did fun mean you had to cop, drink, party and go crazy ? whatever happened to just playing videogames and playing MASH and boardgames . i feel like its not even my fault im alone anymore, but that its the world's fault . YES I AM BLAMING and i dont care if i shouldnt cause i fucking am. since when if your being yourself it goes into two groups either cool or not. like fuck life. i dont even think i wanna have friends to be honest, theyre like fleas sometimes, and when it seems like your always paying or being the nice one and recieve nothing in return what the fuck pleasure does that bring . im upset, and i may make sense or not but seriously, when did having a relationship with someone meant wife or husband, nowadays if your with someone for a month is considered amazing, whatever happen to marriages that lasted for years, im only 16 but even i miss the good days, when everyone understand each other, wasnt coniving and at least tried to step on eggshells instead of jumping in and attacking people . this a rant, you can count on a lot more within this blog with the ways thing seems.
goodbye, i have to continue studying for midterms i'll do medicore in .
sooo, im being that distant person again, but this time by choice and by just the atmosphere. i dont hate much things in life, but i detest them & dislike them very strongly (ehm* prop 8) but besides that, im a lose soul. one thing im actually proud of is my growth every year, no lie about that. but i hate my memories cause they stay and once something happens to me, even for maybe one second in replys in my mind a million fucking times. shit, i promised not to curse, ugh okay after this post im going to be curse-free (: but yeah i was home, watching good times, listening to my father talk internet stuff when it hit me, she cared about me the most from anyone i ever knew. it was strange it just like came to me, and creepy crap was i just it outloud, type mumbling like "she... actually.. cared." i just cant understand how all of my past relationships worked out, its like a vicious circle of criminial stories that somehow fall into my lap being in some area my fault . by either coming off way to strong or moving way to fast too soon . i am horrible with timing in relationships, but anyways back to earth, she cared. sad thing is now i dont know who she is, i feel like i lost her & in some way she lost herself . the only real thing i want in my life is too have her back, but with the ways thing seem everyday, it seems more impossible. she does little things that make me realize the maybe feelings still there, like randomly asking me questions that have nothing to do with anything, or making it so our timing enables us to be in the same rooms together, but i cant blame her cause i play the same games too . but i want them to end i want it all to end . i miss her, i miss her voice, her talking out her ass just cause she was nervous about me, her knowingly missing practide just to be with me, her meeting my father, her accidently telling me she loved me after trying to hide it for so long, her touch, cuddling her in my arms, telling her stories about hanging out with my friends, our arguements, our kisses, and most of just knowing before i slept or when i woke up there was a wavelink, that she was thinking about me and i knew it & viceversa. my thoughts are deep and in my mind all that seems to appear is stuble thoughts, that surface deep.. deeper than it may appear in my day to day or on my face . time is always key this i know for a fact but jesus, over a year and im still dealing . i dont care what people say i still love and i know deep down somewhere that love is in her for me, and i know im not doubting the fact is over, cause everytime i look at her or walk into the same room as her theres that vibe, you know that secret vibe, where really theres no one in the room but you two, where your looking at the board but really your heart created its own eyes to look at her, where you pretend to look around but end up looking at that person, where you see the person turning around and decide to "randomly" strike up a conversation about grades or shoelaces but deep down inside ever silly unattainable word means i love you in a sign morse code language you speak, yeah that vibe and hidden code . maybe she knows i see her trying to hide it maybe she doesnt but im leaving soon for college, and its far far far away, and though she acts like she doesnt care if im alive, if im even a state away, i know her heart yearns and she misses me.... just as i miss her .
i am young thing . writing about what i feel, see, and think . if i have people who like this blog all the better but if not then this can just be my personal release . i one day hope of becoming a journalist, but secretly wish to be a musician . i dont know what the world has in store for me, but hopefully this blog could have some insight on it all .
