3rd post of the night .

so, i have no idea why but im blogging, and this is the third post, i cant sleep right now . i havent been sleeping how ive usually been sleeping, it seems my nights are bleek and even sleeping has become a job . im really nervous this year theres a lot at stake, and the fact that all i can dream about is music and writing and in class can't even focus sometimes because im writing lyrics is kinda scarying me . i have to go to college no if ands or buts, but what do i do ? how do you know, i love music and i love writing & dont get me wrong i want to live well and make money but its not the number one thing on my mind . its like late-night talk right now bloggers, and this conversation is between you and me . i orginally stayed up to fix the blog up and look at some kid cudi ish but i dont know what happen . to be honest i think i could go so far but i wont be able to go anywhere . i feel so trapped and uneasy all the time, im so quiet and shy, its nothing close to what people are used to when they see me, but all i can do is express that through words, through here . i need to find a way to live it or do it as my friend says, but can doing nothing count ? it sucks cause you know your an independent creature but you form dependent bonds with people or things thinking it will always workout, and i feel i dont know what i want to do, i depend my happiness on uncrucial important things which fuck with my sense of doing the important things that put me in a trap in this vicious circle . what i find funny is the things that bother me most are the things i hardly talk about sometimes, and half the time i get so deep and into thought that i dont even think anymore i've created an empty black space of nothing into an empty space of concetrated depression . my mind is on a tredmill but i can't stop it or rewind it & i could go on for hours but im going to try to sleep tonight . im going to try .